A year and a half ago it happened at work. I was already in the throes of my frustrating unrequited crush on "I'm not Kate" Jack when my company hired Brad. Brad was our new sales manager and working remotely from Arizona, and he was like every other typical ex-frat boy salesman living it up in Scottsdale. In other words, totally hot, not much substance, and potentially questionable morals.
He came out to the Shores during his first week of work to get acclimated with the company and the products and services. Being that I work in marketing and typically that department works closely with sales, Brad came by and visited my cube often with questions, requests, whatever. And... just my cube. I was flattered that he singled me out when he could have asked anyone else. Let's face it, we love it when hot members of the opposite sex pay attention to us.
Admittedly, I tried to sneak a peak at his ring finger. I think most of us do this once you reach a certain age and you're single, check out the available goods. But oddly enough it wasn't as easy as you would think to catch a good look and it took a few days before I was able to determine that he was in fact married. Typical. He WAS originally from Oklahoma after all.
A few weeks later he flew back out to the Bay for our company holiday party. It was a low-key affair being held at the CEO's house and all were invited to an intimate dinner at his Palo Alto home. Yours truly had no date to invite so I brought along my sister, Deens, to be my plus one.
When we arrived the cocktail hour was underway and Brad soon found his way over to me and I introduced him to my sister. And very soon, in the midst of making small talk some very odd conversation ensued. Dare I say... innuendos were being made?? Read and assess, dear readers.
Me: "So will you be coming out often to the Shores?"
Brad: "Oh, maybe every month or so. Why, do you WANT me to come out often?" *wink*
Me: "Where are you staying out here?"
Brad: "Over at the Sofitel. You guys should come back after the party for a nightcap."
Deens, not quite catching on yet that he was an employee: "So how do you guys know each other?"
Me, trying to be funny: "Oh just met him tonight. Picked him up on the side of the road."
Brad: "Then we went back to the hotel and hooked up. And she decided to bring me here."
As I accompanied my sister outside for a smoke, she takes a drag, rolls her eyes and says in an exasperated tone**, "He totally wants you. By the way."
Me: "Dude, he's married. Hello. Ring on finger. And a co-worker."
Deens: "Whatever. He was totally eye-fucking you and practically propositioning you."
**(*Sidenote* I cannot express how funny my sister's tone of voice can be, but try to imagine the most sarcastic and biting Valley girl accent with undertones dripping with "You are so beneath me." If you know her, you know what I mean and it's funny. If you don't know her and met her, she would scare you.)
I scoffed at her ridiculous notions some more and we went back inside. Shortly before we sit down for dinner Deens jabs me in my side and whispers in my ear, "SISTER! You have got to be fucking kidding me. He took off his fucking WEDDING RING! WHAT A LOSER!"
WHAAT? I turn around and he was indeed going commando on his ring finger. Needless to say I was thoroughly disgusted and spent the rest of the evening ignoring him and chatting with our super nerdy yet well meaning QA manager (who is like Rainman, except, not autistic and a walking National Geographic/Encyclopedia/Trivial Pursuit answer guide).
A few weeks later Brad was fired after something unsavory was uncovered during the routine background check that all employees were required to undergo. I never did find out what it was that got him the boot, but I'll let your imaginations run wild as mine did. And with that, I leave you with this:
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